The 22nd issue of Black Scat Review is now available! This is the “Errata” issue, and contains my contributions “Shakespeare Misspelled” and “Typos on Title Pages.” It also features texts, comics, collages, and drawings by my lively colleagues Terri Carrion, Norman Conquest, Caroline Crépiat, Farewell Debut, S. C. Delaney, Jean-Pierre Duffour, Errorbiblioteca, Paul Forristal, Ryan Forsythe, Eckhard Gerdes, Rhys Hughes, Amy Kurman, Alex McKeown, Claudio Parentela, Angelo Pastormerlo, Agnès Potier, Collin J. Rae, C. R. Resetarits, Jason E. Rolfe, Paul Rosheim, Kristine Snodgrass, Linda Klieger Stillman, Corinne Taunay, Michel Vachey, and Carla M. Wilson, and is edited and designed by Norman Conquest. It’s available on Amazon from Black Scat Books. More mistakes for your money!

The slide whistle and the trombone seem made for each other. This duet shows off both of them, in four movements of 33 measures each.

This spirited duet pairs the garklein recorder, the smallest member of the recorder family, with the tuba. The two contrasting sonorities are combined in unison, in harmony, in antiphony, and in canon, mostly in C major, before ending their tenuous alliance.

Le Chat Noir Exposed is now available from Black Scat Books!

This extraordinary work of scholarship exposes the liveliest fin-de-siècle bohemian cabaret and paper in Paris. Le Chat Noir was a playground for painters, writers, poets, pranksters, and musicians, all gleefully demolishing the standards of art and good taste. Caroline Crépiat examines such eccentric personalities as Paul Verlaine, Alphonse Allais, Marie Krysinska, Maurice Mac-Nab, and Charles Cros, and analyzes their treatment of money, women, translation, humor, sex, disease, and scatology, with generous samplings of the original texts. A masterful look at a rich and colorful legend of the avant-garde! Translated by Doug Skinner and available from Black Scat Books!

In this univocalic story from The Snowman Three Doors Down, Ebenezer and Celeste have to decipher a coded message sent by the settlers. This may mean trouble for Fessenden. Here’s how it begins…

THE SECRET SENTENCE

Ebenezer’s beeper beeped.

He pressed the desk beeper; Celeste entered the belvedere.“Yes?” she beseeched.

He greeted her, petted the settee. She tested the red felt, settled her belted velveteen dress there, shed her checkered beret.

Ebenezer held three deckle-edged sheets. “The settlers sent these,” he wheezed.

Celeste clenched her teeth. “The repellent settlers,” she seethed. “The helpless bedwetters. The dregs.”

The Bethlehem Brethren nestled the settlement, Western Eden, between deserted fern-bedecked glens. There, the settlers kept bees, herded sheep, tended the cress beds, fed the geese, erected fences, swept the temple, mended the evergreen hedges. The men elected the eldest, Fessenden, exec: he refereed melees between the shepherds, prevented the beekeepers’ keenest excesses, stemmed the revelers’ fevered keggers. He sent the Brethren the settlement’s emblements, kept the ledgers.

“Well, the extreme elements depress them,” fretted Ebenezer. “The sleet’s severe. Endless tempests drench the greenbelt, swell the creeks. Relentless December breezes freeze the cheerless cement cells. The feed’s never fresh: the eggs smell, the cheese reeks, ferrets deplete the green peppers, beetle feces wreck the fennel seeds. The wet spelt kernels ferment. The men get restless, then reckless. Yet Fessenden’s decent.”

“Fessenden’s dense,” she jeered. “Hell, he’s the densest dweeb there.”

“He never pretended he’s clever. Nevertheless, he’s been excellent,” Ebenezer defended. “The genteel bellwether, the fervent trendsetter, the level presence. He deserves respect; he’s served the Brethren well.” …

I’ve now been posting my work on this website for ten years, having started in June 2011. According to the numbers here, I’ve posted 787 examples of my work. I hope some of you enjoyed at least some of it. Coming up in the months ahead are another album of my songs, It All Went Pfft; a translation of Caroline Crépiat’s study of the quintessential bohemian paper, Le Chat Noir Exposed; a book on paranormal music, Music from Elsewhere; and a translation of Charles Cros’s visionary work Principles of Cerebral Mechanics. Meanwhile, I’ll get back to work…

This little number was an occasional part of “Doug and Mike’s Adult Entertainment,” the puppet show I did for years with Michael Smith. Here I had to sing, operate a toilet puppet with my right hand, and play a small organ with my left hand.

Sleeping Beauty and Rip Van Winkle had much in common, but never met. In this tale in verse, they switch places on awakening, to general confusion. Here’s how it begins.

SLEEPING BEAUTY AND RIP VAN WINKLE

Sleeping Beauty, Rip Van Winkle,
Slept beneath the wheeling twinkle
Of the starry sky on high,
Slept as decades drifted by,
She on down and he in heather—
For they did not sleep together.
Belle, a princess off in France,
Had, by tragic happenstance,
So antagonized some fairy
That the latter cast a very
Nasty narcoleptic spell
On poor unsuspecting Belle.
Spinning one day, Belle got spindled,
Whereupon her forces dwindled,
Then subsided in a doze.
There she lay in chill repose,
As did every maid and vassal
In that melancholy castle,
Cursed to hibernate like this
Till a prince could plant a kiss.
Far across the wide Atlantic,
Winkle’s tale was less romantic…

July 4th marks the 9th year of Black Scat Books! To celebrate the occasion, they have released a special deluxe hardcover edition of their very first title, Alphonse Allais’s Masks — based on Allais’s story Un drame bien parisien, adapted and illustrated by Norman Conquest, with an introduction and notes by Allaisian scholar Doug Skinner.
This revised, expanded edition features three additional chapters, many more notes, and over 60 color illustrations. You can find it on Amazon, or at Black Scat Books.